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the-dangers-of-celexa

Have you watched the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why?

What were your thoughts on it?

Did you like it?

Hate it?

Mixed reviews?

Every time I get on Facebook another person has an opinion on it.

  As the mother of a child who committed suicide the show was very emotional for me. I could relate to the mother so much, and cried often for her loss and for mine.

Most people on Facebook say that Hannah didn’t have a good enough reason to commit suicide, or that Clay should have stuck up for her when she was alive. They also say that the movie idealizes suicide.

Everyone has an opinion, but not a single person has asked me what mine is. I wonder why? Are they afraid of upsetting me? Maybe they just don’t want to argue with me about it because they feel like their points wont be valid to me? I honestly don’t know, and I haven’t commented on anyone’s post, and I have kept my opinion to myself.

UNTIL NOW….

Do I think the movie idealizes suicide? Yes, but I think teenagers idealize suicide. It is the number 1 cause of death in children ages 15-24. In 2014 there were 42,773 suicides. My 16-year-old daughter was one of them. In 2015 there were 44,193 people who died from suicide. My friend Dustin was one of them, along with my friend Missy’s step daughter.

In 2016 I lost my dear friend Danielle to suicide.

My friend Lisa lost her son Jack.

My friend Stacy lost her daughter Olivia.

My friend Dan lost his daughter Elaina.

The number of suicides is on the rise, and it scares the crap out of me. It should scare you too.

I think 13 Reasons Why is something everyone should watch. Americans are so quick to get upset, offended, and beside themselves when they are taken outside of their comfort zone, and the show does just that. It’s hard to watch. Its honest. And it’s something your kids deal with everyday. I think every parent should watch it with their teen because it opens the door to a discussion that all of us need to have with our children.

You may think that your smart, beautiful, talented, happy, goofy, lovable child would NEVER even consider killing themselves….So did I.

I disagree with the show in the sense that there are not always 13 reasons.

Sometimes there is no reason at all other than mental illness.

When Juliet died I wanted answers. Everyone’s first question is always “Did they leave a note?” Juliet left 4. None of them had the answers I was looking for or listed any reasons. I knew there was a girl down the street who used to be her best friend that was bullying her. Do I think that’s what it was? No I don’t. At the time I wanted to blame someone, so in my mind it was all this girls fault. I know my Juliet was stronger than that though. She was a tough cookie.

My answers finally came a year later.

My son Justice had a really hard time with his sister’s death. He would often cry for no reason, and was known to have outbursts at home or at school. He was already seeing a psychiatrist for his ADHD, the same psychiatrist that my daughter Juliet saw. I shared my concern for Justice with him and he suggested I put him on an anti-depressant.

He asked what Juliet was on and I told him Celexa. He thought maybe it could work for Justice as well so we started him on the smallest dose. That was October, a year after Juliet’s death.

December Justice started self harming. He was only 9 years old.

He often punched himself in the face, choked himself, and slammed his head into a concrete wall.

In January I told his psychiatrist and he raised his dose.

By the end of January Justice was threatening suicide, having obsessive thoughts of cutting himself, and having violets fits of rage.

By February the school asked me to have him admitted into a psychiatric hospital. The closest bed was in Philly (over an hour away). We said “No, that’s too far away” so instead he was admitted into the Phil Haven day program.

Within 2 weeks found him with a belt around his neck, trying to kill himself.

As a mother to see your child decline so fast is heart wrenching.

I racked my brain for weeks trying to figure out what was going on with him.

Finally one day I had an “aha” moment.

I quick went to Google and there was the answer I had been searching for….

Did you know that the ONLY antidepressant FDA approved for children under the age of 18 is Prozac, and even that has dangerous side effects. Did you know that there was a class action lawsuit against the makers of Celexa because kids who were on it were committing suicide? No? Neither did I.

In children it causes anxiety, sleeplessness, fits of rage, and suicide.

The part that frustrates me the most is that my sons psychiatrist was also my daughters. He knew she was on Celexa, and he knew the risks….but he never told me. He put my son on it. Still never said a word. Then,. when I told him in great detail everything that was happening to Justice….He still didn’t tell me. He instead raised his dose making the situation even worse.

I almost lost 2 children to this horrible drug.

In all this my message to you as parents, and even for yourself…. Do you research before starting any new medication for yourself or your child. If I had Juliet might still be here. Doctors are not obligated to warn you of side effects. Even when it has caused a death to one of your children. Its our job as parents to look out for them, because as sad as it is, some doctors only care about money, and if you don’t protect your child no one will.

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20-amazing-furniture-makeovers

This week has been super crazy! Monday my son Justice has trauma therapy, Tuesday I ran around getting last minute valentines gifts, and then I had to pick Justice up from school, Wednesday I had a meeting at Justice’s school and then I had a home staging consultation, Thursday I had to go to Home Depot and HomeGoods to help a friend pick out paint and curtains, and this morning I had to take Justice to a two hour long evaluation and then to school.

That’s why I haven’t posted this week.

In the midst of all that my latest obsession is having a coffee station so I have been hunting for one of those as well. Lucky for me my friend Marie happened to have an old dry sink that will work perfectly, the only problem is that it needs to be refinished, and I have never done something like that before.

All week I have been researching furniture makeovers so that I could get some ideas and I wanted to share my favorites with you. These pictures will have you scouring craigslist and yard sale pages for a new project in no time! If you want more information on any of them all you have to do is CLICK THE PIC and it will take you to the how to instructions.

Without further ado here they are….

How cute is that?!?

Maybe you’re more into shabby chic and vintage décor. If so this super adorable vintage crib conversion might be fore you….

 I know my friend Marie is drooling over this right now…

If you love French décor maybe this is for you…

Beautiful!

This gorgeous Ikea hack is definitely swoon worthy…

For those of you obsessed with nail head trim here are a few pretty DIY’s-

 

 

This Goodwill find makeover ALWAYS amazes me…

Isn’t that crazy?!

Then there’s these chairs that only cost $25 each!

You should see the before, they were hideous!

This chair was painted…as in the fabric…

This picture was taken 3 1/2 years later!

These modern night stands are a gorgeous makeover! I love the blue and gold!

Speaking of gold, if you love drama you will love this stunning bed makeover…

Last but not least is my current favorite, one that has me searching Craigslist, and drooling on myself….

I have a lot to think about. This is my first makeover, so I’m nervous and excited at the same time. I hope I have inspired you, and hopefully ill be able to show you my new coffee station in the next week or two!

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best-ever-low-fat-slow-cooker-turkey-chili

Guess who’s sleeping on the couch this week….. This girl right here. Now before you get any crazy ideas of what might have landed my butt on the couch, let me give you some back story:

This past week Mike and I were both admitted into the hospital at different times for different health reasons. I was in for a couple days because my asthma was bothering me, and I thought I was suffocating to death, and Mikes heart got out of rhythm from sleep apnea and he thought he was having a heart attack. Scary stuff. One question I do have after all that is – why do hospitals charge for parking? Don’t they rob you enough when you are in there? I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t hurt them to offer free parking to visitors who are checking in on sick family and friend. Just a thought.

Since Mike got out of the hospital we have been sleeping on the couch every night so that he can wedge himself in the corner of the sectional in an upright position. This keeps him from having sleep apnea which is when you basically choke on your tongue in your sleep. The whole irregular heart beat gave us both quite a scare, so camping out on the sofa it is. Whatever makes my baby feel safe.

After our health scares we decided its time to start eating a little better. I consider myself a pretty good cook. I love coming up with new recipes, so when mike said he wanted me to start cooking healthy meals every night for dinner I was up for the challenge. That being said I have put together a super healthy turkey chili recipe that is To Die For. This is my personal recipe, and loved by everyone who tries it. It is soooo EASY to make, and I will give you lazy girl cheats, and other options along with it. To top it all off, it is low fat and high protein! Without further ado, here’s the recipe:

BEST EVER LOW FAT TURKEY CHILI RECIPE

  • 1 onion, chopped*
  • 1 green pepper, chopped and seeded*
  • 1 red pepper, chopped and seeded*
  • 1 jalapeño, chopped and seeded
  • 5 cloves garlic, minced
  • 2LB lean ground turkey**
  • 2TBS chili powder
  • 2tsp red pepper flakes
  • 2TBS smoked paprika
  • 1TBS ground cumin
  • 2tsp dried oregano
  • 1tsp ground black pepper
  • 3 packets of instant hot cocoa mix
  • 2TBS adobo
  • 1/2 cup Worcestershire sauce
  • 2TBS liquid smoke
  • 2 (14.5 ounce) cans diced tomatoes with green chili peppers, drained
  • 1 (8oz ) can tomato sauce
  • 1 (15oz) can black eyed peas, drained***
  • 1tsp hot sauce

           Directions are easy, just dump it all in the crock pot, stir, and set for 4 hours.

Tip: When cutting the jalapeno make sure to wear gloves. If your anything like me you will end up burning your eye out by rubbing them, or something way worse when going to the bathroom. You haven’t known true pain until you’ve gotten jalapeno on your hoo-ha. No matter how many times you wash your hands, the oils absorb into your skin and burn the living crap out of anything you touch. Just take it from me, and wear gloves!

Sometimes we add fat free shredded cheese to the chili for an extra treat!

*Lazy girl cheat* – my local grocery store sell little containers of fresh red pepper, green pepper and onion already chopped up in the produce aisle. I just get this and dump in in so I don’t have to really cut anything but the jalapeno.

**You can substitute with lean ground beef

*** You can substitute with kidney beans, we just don’t like them…

So there it is, low fat, low cal, high protein, yummy chili! Try it, I would love to hear what you think!

  • calories- 264
  • fat- 8g
  • carb- 21g
  • protein- 27g

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whos-in-your-tribe

This has definitely been something I have struggled with all my life. I was the child that was always bringing home wounded animals. On a regular bases I brought home baby birds, salamanders, turtles, and a few squirrels. Once I even saved a mouse out of my cats mouth, but when it got scared and bit me my mom made me get a tetanus shot.

The same has been true in my relationships with people. I have always been drawn to the wounded birds of the world. I have always been a nurturer, often getting sucked into peoples lives and doing anything I could to help someone in need. Sometimes it was a place to stay, sometimes money to “borrow”, sometimes it was a mid-night-rescue. Either way I have always been the one that people knew they could go to and depend on in time of need. It sounds like I’m a great person, don’t you think?

It’s really not that great.

When you are that person it drags you down. Helping everyone all the time and getting sucked into other peoples issues LITERALLY drains the energy right out of you. You know, energy suckers? The ones who drain you both emotionally and physically making you feel tired and run down. There are people in the world who are trying to make their lives better and deserve help, and then there are people who continuously chose to live in chaos rather than putting the effort into making a change.

Since losing my daughter I have done some serious soul searching. I have cut out a lot of negative people in my life. If you are the type of person who airs out your dirty laundry on Facebook, then I have probably deleted you. I don’t care if you have known me since grade school, I refuse to let negativity (especially someone else’s) into my life. LIFE IS HARD. Sometimes its a beautiful warm sunny day, and sometimes its a hurricane. Me? I prefer the sunny days, and I refuse to let other peoples rain clouds ruin my weather.

THE PEOPLE WE SURROUND OURSELVES WITH…

The people we surround ourselves with effect the way we see life. If you surround yourself with successful people you will learn drive and strive to keep being better. If you surround yourself with kind people you will want to do good things and be a better person. If you surround yourself with joyful happy people you too will have joy. The opposite is also true. Are you letting people drag you down? Everyone gives of a certain type of energy. Did you ever meet someone and you were just instantly drawn to them, like you knew them for years, but had only just met them? That’s because they have positive energy and your soul is like “Gimme some of that”. When you surround yourself with broken people who have no interest in doing whatever it takes to get it together you can be drug down by the negative energy that they emit and because of the negative energy draining your positive energy. It often times leaves you feeling sad, tired, and drained.

So! Who is in your tribe? Is it people who lift you and those around you up? Do they make you laugh and encourage you to succeed? Does your bubble of friends shine brighter than all the rest because you’ve already figured out everything I just wrote a long time ago? Or are there some people in your tribe who maybe need to go? I of all people know how hard it is to cut people off, because I had to do it in a time when I needed my friends the most. I guess its up to you to decide when you’re ready.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING….

You can’t help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves. I am now the type of friend who is not afraid to call you out if I see something wrong. I was never like that before. I was always a people pleaser, I was afraid to be honest with people because they might not like me anymore. But I wasn’t helping anyone that way. Now I listen, but I am also straight forward, and if I see an issue I am not quite about it. What my people do with it from there is up to them. I’m focused though. I’m not sugar coating things anymore! I’m only surrounding myself in positivity these days so get it together or get out of my bubble. I wish I could stress enough what a complete waste of time and energy negative people are. Don’t even go near them!

I really hate that I had to lose my daughter to learn this, but I can tell you that I have never been happier with who is in my life and the direction that it is headed than I am now. I feel SO POSITIVE about the future. Do I make a lot of money? I make less money than I ever have because I am only in the first year of starting my own business, but I KNOW for a fact that my life, and my business is going to be amazing. You know why? Because I got rid of all my baggage (as much as it hurt), and so can you. As I have been making positive changes in my life I have watched everything change around me. I started my own business as a makeup artist….it actually found me when I wasn’t even looking. In one year I have gone from being jobless, to doing makeup for national and international house hold name brand commercial and print ads. I have used my love for interior design to decorate my house, and by posting pictures to my Facebook over the past year have receives several interior design jobs, and as of too weeks ago a reoccurring interior design consultant job for a local real estate company. All of this literally fell in my lap. I don’t look for anyone, they all found me!

So now you can see why I’m so positive about the future. I am surrounded by so much love and encouragement. No one is there anymore to drag me into darkness, and I’m now, for the first time in my life, dancing in the light.

I wish that I would have known all of this when Juliet was alive but in the end it was her who taught me. I’m passing it on, so that hopefully it will help you too!

 

 

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